


Lovely Memories

by Kisaheart



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-13
Updated: 2014-01-13
Packaged: 2018-01-08 15:42:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1134471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kisaheart/pseuds/Kisaheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is part three, and the ending, of the "Second Chances" series.</p><p>Peter has been dreading this moment ever since leaving Oz's castle.  That first conversation with Felix that would decide whether Peter would live the rest of his life in joy or misery.  He's imagined this conversation at least a hundred times over.  Some ending well, most not.  What he hadn't planned for, however, was just how stupid Felix could be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lovely Memories

     It was late evening about a week later when the brunette boy finally stood in the outlying forest of the small town. He could have gotten there much sooner if it hadn't been for the overwhelming sense of dread that had plagued him since leaving the powerful wizard's home.  
     Whenever he would stop for the night to rest, he would pull out the little pink vial and think. His mind would always fill with concerning thoughts. He wasn't worried for his own safety or that the potion wouldn't work. No, his greatest fear was that it WOULD work and he would be forced to face the one person he felt he had ever truly made a mistake with. It was... quite unnerving, to say the least.  
     During those long, sleepless nights, he often wondered what he would say to the boy when they met again. He must have played through hundreds of potential conversations in his head over the course of that painful week. Some of the conversations ended well with the blonde vowing the same devotion to his leader that he had always promised in the past. He understood that all magic came with a price and if that price was his heart, then that had been just fine with him. Anything to make his leader happy.  
     The brunette even allowed his mind to wander very briefly into the realm of fantasy where the blonde would express how much he still loved the other boy despite everything that had transpired. The two would end up happily together living comfortably in another realm somewhere far away. It was a very pleasant thought despite it's very slim chance of actually occurring.  
     Most of the scenarios didn't go quite that smoothly.  
     In almost all of those first conversations the boy imagined, things rarely worked out in his favor. The blonde would bring up how he had always been there for the other and how he had followed him devotedly even unto his death. And that was how he was repaid? By being disposed of so quickly without a second thought?  
     Sometimes the blonde would yell and fight, anger being the overwhelming emotion that bubbled up inside of his newly revitalized heart. Other times he would simply say nothing at all, allowing the brunette to make his excuses before turning and merely walking away.  
     That was the scenario that was the most painful because it was the one the boy felt he had the least amount of control over and the one he worried was the most likely to occur.  
     If the blonde argued and accused him of so many wrongs, he could easily reason his way out of it. If they fought, well, they had done that numerous times in the past. The silence was what scared him the most because it said everything the other boy refused to. And if the blonde simply let the silence speak for him and then walked away, there was nothing the other boy could do. It was almost funny in a way to think that the one quality the brunette had always loved in the other male would be the one thing he dreaded the most upon their first meeting.  
     All of those negative thoughts almost made the boy not want to use the potion at all. Almost. He considered simply leaving things the way they were. That might have been the easiest short term solution but, in the long run, he knew not having the blonde at least alive would destroy him from the inside out.  
     Thus, he had finally worked up the courage and resolve to venture into the small town of Storybrooke. Oz hadn't said he needed to be in the place the boy had died but the brunette figured that would give the potion the greatest chance of working. Not that he was completely certain he even wanted the liquid to work.  
     He was a little surprised the town was still intact. He thought the queen had destroyed the place to end the curse the boy had enacted. He didn't think too much on it, however. The most important thing was that the town was still there and that gave him more confidence in the potion's success.  
     He thought about going to the well where everything had happened but figured that would bring up too many memories in itself and decided to just pick a quiet clearing in the heart of the woods. The forest reminded him of Neverland, of better times he and the blonde had together. Perhaps that would help spin their first conversation in a more favorable direction.  
     The boy just stood there for a few moments listening to the gentle breeze rustling the leaves of the trees. The moon was bright that evening, bathing the forest in a hazy glow. He pulled the bottle from his jeans' pocket and held it up. The pink liquid almost seemed to glow in the moonlight. He wasn't sure if that was a good omen or not.  
     He sucked in a sharp breath as he transferred the vial to his other hand. He could feel his pulse quicken as he continued to gaze at the liquid. Surely he wasn't getting nervous about pulling his own heart out. No. It was the meeting he knew would soon take place that made his anxiety spike.  
     He took one more deep breath before placing his hand up to his chest and then pushing through his shirt, skin, and ribs in order to grasp onto the beating object. He tugged on it firmly and gasped when pain wrenched through him as he pulled the still beating heart from his own body.  
     He took a few more deep breaths as the pain subsided and just gazed at the muscle. It was almost completely black, darkened from all the years of suffering and agony he had caused countless people with zero remorse. There was one, very small bright spot still remaining that had yet to succumb to the cold blackness. He wondered briefly how that could possibly still be there after all these years and his mind instantly wandered to the blonde male, the very reason he was even standing there right then.  
     The boy was probably just imagining it but he thought he saw the spot grow ever so slightly.  
     He looked at the glass vial in his other hand and brought it up to his mouth. He bit onto the wooden cork in the top and gently tugged on it until it popped out, careful not to spill any of the pink liquid or get any of it in his mouth. He remembered Oz's panic when the boy had mentioned drinking it.  
     He studied the bottle for a few more moments before sucking in a deep breath and pouring the liquid over the heart in his hand. The liquid fizzled and sparked as it dripped off of the muscle and then suddenly flashed.  
     The boy let out a sharp cry and collapsed onto his knees, doubled over and clutching at his chest in pain. The heart and bottle fell to the ground, both rolling a little ways away, as the blackened muscle now searing pink and red began to burn. White flames leaped from the heart as it shuddered and constricted. It was like someone had taken a blow torch to his heart and was cooking him alive. It was the worst pain the boy had ever experienced.  
     His cries caught in his throat as he struggled for air, his gasping breathes getting weaker by the second. His entire body trembled as he just lay crippled on the ground. He wasn't sure how much longer he could remain conscious.  
     A dark pink cloud of smoke suddenly wafted over the boy, thickening the air and making it even more difficult to breathe. The boy looked up, still clutching at his chest and trying desperately to suck in a breath of air. The smoke was thick and heavy, making it impossible to see even a foot in front of him. He could still hear the sizzle and pop of the liquid as it continued to burn his heart.  
     After what felt like several minutes, the smoke slowly began to dissipate and the boy was finally able to raise his head ever so slightly as the burning in his heart subsided. His blue eyes widened in shock and he sucked in a sharp, painful breath at the figure suddenly standing not ten feet away.  
     He looked exactly the same way the brunette remembered him, only without the crippling fear in his gaze. Disheveled blonde hair, silver eyes that looked very confused in that moment, the crossed scars under his right eye glinted softly in the moonlight. He was wearing the exact same clothing he had been wearing the day they left Neverland. The brunette couldn't remember him ever looking as good as he did in that moment.  
     "Felix," he finally managed to breath out, still clutching at his chest and his eyes filling with emotion.  
     The blonde had been studying his hands with confusion but his gaze immediately lifted at the sound of the all too familiar voice. His silver eyes collided with wide blue ones and the two just stared at each for several long moments.  
     "Peter?" Felix asked, his voice barely a murmur and his eyes wide with emotion. The most predominant one being uncertainty.  
     The brunette smiled a very tiny bit to himself. None of the emotions that passed through the other's eyes were anger or resentment. Perhaps this first conversation would go better than Peter had imagined.  
     "Wha... What am I doing here?" Felix stumbled out, his gaze questioning as they searched Peter's eyes.  
     The brunette slowly pushed himself up onto his feet, still feeling weak from the intense pain he had just experienced moments ago. His heart lay between the two boys, quietly pumping as if nothing had happened.  
     Peter leaned back against the tree behind him for support as he forced a tiny smirk onto his lips.  
     "Pan never fails," he stated with the faintest hint of amusement.  
     His joke fell on deaf ears, however, as Felix's expression remained unchanged. They both knew he was lying. Peter had failed. Not just with the curse but with Felix as well.  
     The brunette let out a very quiet sigh as his smirk slid from his face and his gaze shifted to the heart lying on the ground. He wouldn't be teasing his way out of this one.  
     The two were silent for several moments as Peter took a deep breath.  
     "Soon after your death," he began quietly, his gaze staying lowered. "I was transported back to the Enchanted Forest. The curse had a... weakness I hadn't anticipated. The queen was able to put a stop to it and I was sent back to the other realm." He paused, looking up to meet the blonde's gaze. "After losing you, it was like everything fell apart. I knew as soon as I crushed your heart that I had made an... error in judgement. I've spent the last few weeks trying to correct that mistake."  
     Felix listened silently as Peter told him how he had gone to Rumplestiltskin's mother because he had nobody else he could turn to for help. Dorothy had noticed the miserable state he was in and took pity on him. She told him of a powerful wizard that could help give Peter back what he so desperately missed.  
     Peter told of how he had journeyed to Oz's castle, how the man had been one of the most annoying people he had ever met but he had put up with the flamboyant character because he knew if anyone would be able to bring Felix back to him, it would be Oz. He discovered the man and his husband weren't as bad as he had initially thought.  
     He told the blonde about the potion and the journey he had undertaken in order to get back to Storybrooke, carefully skipping over the pathetic nights he had laid awake thinking about this very conversation.  
     He described ripping out his own heart and the searing pain the potion had brought on him when he poured the liquid over it. That was why he was in such a sad state right then. Well... that and the fact that he hadn't exactly been brimming with health to begin with.  
     "That potion brings back the person you love the most," Peter concluded, his eyes soft as they bored into Felix's emotionless orbs. He remembered what Dorothy had said to him about how he needed to tell Felix exactly how he felt about him as soon as he had the other boy back in his reach.  
     "That person is still you," he breathed out, his eyes filling with emotion. "And it always will be. I... I love you. Not because of your loyalty or your friendship or any of that nonsense. I just said all of that to make enacting the curse less painful for me. I love you for you. That's why you're here right now."  
     Peter released a quiet breath, relief flooding him at finally being able to tell the other boy exactly what he meant to him. But his relief was only momentary as the silence stretched on.  
     Felix had lowered his gaze to stare at the ground, his emotionless eyes and blank expression giving away none of his feelings. Both boys could hear Peter's heart quicken as the minutes ticked on. Peter felt completely foolish for the sudden anxiety that welled up in him. He knew silence was what he would most likely be met with during this conversation. He had mentally been preparing himself for it for the past week. But the thought of Felix's next move being to turn and walk away from him made his heart constrict painfully. He couldn't remember ever being this vulnerable and unsure about anything in his life.  
     After a long time, Felix finally met Peter's worried gaze, the blonde's silver eyes were cold and Peter's heart lurched in panic. What would he do if the boy really did walk away? Or worse. What would he do if Felix said he had never loved him at all? That his emotions for the leader had been nothing but mere loyalty to a cause he had at one time felt was worthy. Right before Peter had ripped Felix's heart out, he had told the blonde he loved him in so many words but he had refused to wait around for an answer. Now, he was desperately wishing he had.  
     Felix just stared at Peter for a long moment before finally opening his mouth to speak.  
     "You don't love me," he said simply, shaking his head a little, his eyes were cold but held a deeper pain behind them. "You love yourself."  
     The confusion registered immediately on Peter's face. Out of all the hundreds of scenarios he had imagined, Felix stating that Peter didn't love him was one he hadn't expected. At least not after explaining everything to the boy. Sure the blonde might have felt unloved initially after being brought back but certainly not after Peter finally had expressed his feelings. Did he think Peter was trying to manipulate him?  
     "I don't love you?" He asked quietly, his eyebrows furrowing. "I don't love you?" He repeated, his voice rising as confusion gave way to anger. How could Felix possibly be that stupid?!  
     "I just-" Peter stopped himself, one hand stretched out towards the heart lying on the ground while the other hand was pressed to his temple. His mouth hung open a little in shock and his eyes began to burn with anger as they bored into those cold silver ones.  
     "I-" Peter stopped himself once more, turning his head to glare at the ground, trying desperately to keep his rage in check. He feared he might lunge at Felix and strangle him if he continued to look at the blonde. Peter didn't think strangling him to death would be the best thing to do after just getting him back.  
     Peter opened and shut his mouth a few times, shaking his head as he fought the anger raging inside of him. He finally looked back up at Felix. The blonde hadn't walked away yet, so that was something. He was just standing there with those same emotionless eyes, waiting for Peter to convince him of how wrong he was. Peter's gaze locked onto the scar under Felix's eye and he felt his rage diminish ever so slightly.  
     "That scar on your face," Peter said, forcing his voice to remain even as he pointed at the blonde. "Do you remember how you got that? It was fifty-two years after you and I had been on Neverland and I was starting to bring in more and more Lost Boys to live with us. You were burning with jealousy and you thought you were hiding it so well. All those years it had just been us, you could never hear the music I played on my pipes. Then, all of a sudden, you could. It infuriated me to think that you no longer felt you belonged there just because of a few rowdy, teenage boys I never cared the least about.  
     It was a night just like this one when I pushed you against a tree and slashed my dagger across your face. Do you remember what I said to you as blood poured down your cheek? I said, "Whenever you touch your face, whenever you look at your reflection in the water, whenever those cuts burn or ache, think about me and know that nobody will ever be as important to me as you are." Then I put a spell on those scars just to make sure they would never fully heal so you would never be able to forget about me."  
     Felix's gaze had shifted to the heart on the ground as Peter spoke in a firm and quiet voice. Peter continued after a moment of silence, his voice growing slightly more light.  
     "And those two tiny wounds on your left arm, do you remember how you got those? I had sent some of the boys out to hunt and they brought back a dead wild hog and a live rabbit. The younger ones asked if they could keep the rabbit. I told them, "Sure, you can keep it! In your bellies because it's going to be our dinner." Of course they whined about how we already had the hog and didn't need the rabbit. Then one of the littlest boys said, "But we've already named him." And I said, "Oh? And what did you name him?" Imagine my surprise when the boy replied, "Felix." I didn't expect the young ones to be that clever just yet."  
     Peter was smirking a little in amusement. He noticed Felix's lips twitch upwards just a tiny bit at the memory.  
     "I told the boys that we were left with two options then. Either keep Felix or get rid of him. I walked over to you and asked the boys what I should do with our dear Felix. They all declared that I should keep him. Thus, we did and it was all great fun, all the jokes we made about the two Felix's, until approximately four weeks later when we discovered Felix was a girl and she had six baby rabbits right there in the middle of our camp."  
     Felix finally allowed a smirk to cross his lips as he continued to stare at the ground so Peter wouldn't see the amusement in his eyes. Peter sneered a little in disgust.  
     "That was when the younger boys started asking all those questions." The brunette's voice turned mocking as he continued. ""Peter, how are babies made?" "Peter, how come girls can have babies but boys can't?" "Peter, if Felix is a girl, does that mean Felix is a girl too?" I finally got sick of all the questions and told you to take all those rabbits out into the woods and dispose of them. Do you remember what you did? You took them out into the forest and simply let them go. We didn't speak of it again."  
     Peter paused as the lighthearted feeling in the air slowly grew tense again. He didn't want things to become uncomfortable just yet though.  
     "And those scrapes on your knuckles, do you remember how you got those? You got those when Curly called me an ass and you beat the crap out of him."  
     Peter noticed Felix's smirk widen ever so slightly at the memory. Peter smirked as well as he continued. "It took all five of the older boys to drag you off of him. Curly's nose never did heal properly. He landed a few good punches on you as well. I healed those but left the ones on your hands as a reminder. I didn't need you to defend me, you knew that, but it was nice all the same."  
     There was another pause.  
     "I think I paid you back for that during a fight with a band of pirates. One of them stabbed you in the side with his sword and I was so furious that I personally slit every one of their throats. Then I strung them up by their ankles from the masts of the ship and let their blood completely drain out onto the deck before sending the ship back to the Enchanted Forest. NOBODY touches what's mine," Peter growled, his voice low and threatening at the memory of the underhanded trick that had led to Felix being injured in the first place.  
     Felix's expression turned solemn once more as another tense silence filled the space between the two boys. Peter just gazed at the blonde before taking a deep breath.  
     "That scar on your chest is from when I made the one decision I have ever truly regretted in my life. I thought power was what made me happy, was the reason I awoke every morning ready to tackle a new day, was the thing that gave my life its purpose." He paused to lock gazes with the blonde once more. "But it wasn't. Power is nothing. Love is everything."  
     Peter's eyes narrowed as he pointed at himself and then continued in a low voice. "And this scar on my chest is from when I tore out my very heart just to get that love back."  
     He stepped forward, ignoring his heart on the ground and walking confidently up to Felix. He stopped only inches away from him. Peter's eyes were burning as he just stared up into the blonde's silver orbs for a few moments. When he finally spoke, Peter's voice was little more than a whispered hiss.  
     "Don't you dare tell me that I don't love you."  
     Peter continued to stare at Felix for another moment before turning and walking out of the clearing, leaving his heart exactly where it lay. Felix let out a slightly shaky breath he hadn't realized he was holding and glanced back down at the beating muscle. He hesitantly stepped over to it, picking the heart up gently in his hands, and slowly headed off in the direction Peter had gone.  
  
\---  
  
     Felix found Peter about an hour later seated on the cliffside overlooking Storybrooke. The very place they had first discussed becoming rulers of the little town. The moonlight was bouncing off of his form, making the boy look even more surreal than usual. Felix smiled a little to himself, cradling the heart closer to his own body.  
     Peter had his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes narrowed and his lips a hard line as if he were waiting for a date that was taking too long to get dressed. Felix quietly sat down beside him, leaving about a foot of space between the two boys. He held the heart in his hands, gingerly resting it in his lap. Somehow feeling the warm pulse beneath his palms made him relax.  
     "Took you long enough," Peter growled, wiping at a spot of dirt on his knee before crossing his arms again. He kept his eyes forward, refusing to even look at the other male.  
     Felix smirked just a tiny bit. Of course Peter knew Felix would follow him. Even after everything that had happened, neither boy could give the other up quite that easily.  
     The two sat in silence for a few minutes just listening to the steady pumping of the heart. Peter suddenly held his hand out towards the blonde.  
     "May I have that back?" He asked, not looking at the boy.  
     Felix gently placed the heart into Peter's hand, feeling slightly disappointed to not have the warmth of it anymore.  
     Peter looked at the muscle for a few moments, noticing how the originally very tiny bright spot on the blackened form had grown considerably. Almost half the heart now glowed with a ruby light. Peter's cold, blue eyes softened just a touch at the thought of what had caused the sudden change. Being willing to sacrifice himself so his love could live must have counted for something. No wonder Felix's heart hadn't been blackened when Peter had ripped it out.  
     Peter shook his head ever so slightly before pushing the heart back into his own chest with a quiet grunt. Its warmth immediately filled his body and he could almost still feel the touch of Felix's hands on it.  
     The two sat in silence for a few moments. Felix looked down at his hands resting in his lap before glancing over at Peter.  
     "I bet you know exactly what I was going to say to you at the well before you ripped my heart out, don't you?" He asked.  
     Peter swallowed, shifting a bit uncomfortably at the suddenly tense atmosphere.  
     "You would have told me you loved me," he responded.  
     Felix smiled a little and shook his head.  
     "No. I would have told you to go right ahead and do whatever you intended. But, first, I would have asked you to remember something as well. I recall getting these scars on my face a bit differently than you do. It's true that I hadn't been happy with all the new boys coming into the camp and maybe I did start to feel unloved. That wasn't what set you off though. What infuriated you was how some of the boys clung to me, even the older ones. You thought a few of them were getting a little too friendly. That was when you cornered me in the forest and slashed my face. These cuts weren't meant to be a reminder to me because you knew I would never be able to forget about you, nor would I ever want to. These scars were meant to be a reminder to them of who I belonged to. When they looked at my face, they were supposed to see yours."  
     Peter just sat there in silence looking out over the town. He wasn't used to Felix telling him about his own motivations.  
     "That's why I took your heart so quickly," Peter finally responded, looking down at his lap. "I wouldn't have been able to take it at all if you had brought up something like that."  
     A steady silence fell upon the two boys.  
     "Well, now what?" Felix asked, looking over at Peter with a tiny smirk. The same way he would always look at Peter whenever he was awaiting a command from his leader.  
     Peter raised an eyebrow at him slightly in surprise, feeling a painful rush of hope enter his heart.  
     "You... still want to stay with me?" He asked cautiously. "After... everything?"  
     "I thought I belonged to you," Felix responded, his eyebrows furrowing a little at the question. He immediately smirked again though to show that he was teasing.  
     Peter studied the boy's lighthearted expression with a bit of wariness. Had he really already forgiven Peter for killing him.  Just like that? This went well beyond abusive relationship and Peter wondered briefly how stable Felix's mind really was.  
     Peter thought about all the things he had reminded Felix of earlier that evening and all the things he hadn't mentioned. He allowed a tiny smile to form on his own lips as well. Of course Felix's mind wasn't stable. What kind of sane person would choose to spend two hundred years with somebody like Peter? And what kind of sane person would choose to be with Peter even after he crushed their heart?  
     No. There was no question that Felix wasn't all there but Peter probably wasn't all there either and that was just fine. Together, they completed each other and that was all that mattered.  
     Peter looked over at Felix.  
     "That you do," he finally replied.  
     Felix's smirk melted into a tiny, sincere smile.  
     "Then I will follow you wherever you go."  
     Peter suddenly got to his feet and stretched.  
     "Well, you know, I'm not your leader anymore," he commented, stepping lightly between Felix's legs and then setting himself down with his back resting against the blonde's chest and his legs dangling over the cliff's edge. Felix immediately wrapped his arms around the boy's abdomen, holding him tightly against his body. "You can spout off some ideas yourself and then I'll decide what sounds good or not."  
     Felix smirked a little in amusement, nuzzling his scarred cheek against Peter's affectionately.  
     "I suppose we could always stay here," Felix stated, his voice didn't sound very pleased with the notion though.  
     Peter wrinkled his nose.  
     "There are too many annoyances here. Pick something else," he ordered.  
     Felix thought about it for a moment.  
     "We could go back to Neverland. It would just be us again."  
     Peter could hear how much the thought appealed to the blonde. He liked the idea himself but, now that he had finally managed to get off the island, he wasn't in too big of a hurry to return. He wanted to do more adventuring than that.  Especially if the two boys would start aging normally again.  
     "How about we go steal one of those portal recipes from my son and travel to a completely different realm?" Peter suggested with a quirked eyebrow. He waved his hand about. "I still have a little magic left in me. It would be very simple."  
     "You won't be needing my heart for that recipe, will you?" Felix asked with a slightly teasing tone, cocking an eyebrow as well.  
     Peter grinned and patted the boy on his other cheek before getting to his feet once more and turning to look down at the blonde.  
     "Now, Felix, you know I can't promise you that. I will ALWAYS need your heart," Peter remarked, his eyebrows rising innocently. Felix rolled his eyes. "I do promise to at least let you kiss me good-bye next time though."  
     Felix snorted and got to his feet as well. He placed his hands on Peter's hips and backed up a step, pulling the boy against his body as well. Now that Felix had Peter with him again, he was feeling incredibly protective of the shorter boy's life. They didn't need to stand that close to the cliff's edge.  
     Peter noticed Felix's sudden cautiousness but simply smiled up at him, tugging a little on the blonde's shirt.  
     "I might even let you kiss me other times as well," he remarked, pulling a bit more on Felix's shirt.  
     Felix smiled softly at Peter's mischievous blue eyes before tilting his head down and pressing his lips firmly against his. Peter pushed upwards into the kiss, feeling the happiest he had been in the last few weeks. Possibly even in his entire life. Their first conversation had been a greater success than he could have ever imagined. Then again, was that really such a surprise? After all, Pan never fails.


End file.
